


handle me with caution ('cause I don’t give myself often)

by asilra



Series: drabbles [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, but you only see evan's side because I'm Lazy, coulda totally added a section from con's pov but Hah, guess what? I'm Lazy, let! him! rest!, they watch documentaries and connor is a tired kid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 09:19:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14077734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asilra/pseuds/asilra
Summary: They were alike, the two of them, more alike than either had ever initially realised. Both scared, scared to open up, to tear down their walls, open their doors. Scared that the world would see the worst of them and hate it. Hate them. They’d both been hurt before, damaged by people around them, and they were terrified of being harmed again.surprise kids it's another song fic drabble thing





	handle me with caution ('cause I don’t give myself often)

**Author's Note:**

> yo so this is based on 'i'm yours' by alessia cara, which. top quality cute, fun song to jam to.
> 
> cw: suicide/suicide attempt mention

Evan Hansen wasn’t planning on falling in love. That, he knew for sure. It wasn’t like one day he looked at Connor Murphy - currently asleep on Evan’s couch, passed out midway through a documentary - and decided _‘Whoop, there he is! The boy of my dreams!’_

It just. Happened.

Slowly, of course, as most romances do. A smile here and there, a quick brush of the shoulder, gentle kick to the shin under the dining room table at the Murphys’. Subtle. Cautiously growing love, not the instant intense kind. Building and building, one day at a time.

They were alike, the two of them, more alike than either had ever initially realised. Both scared, scared to open up, to tear down their walls, open their doors. Scared that the world would see the worst of them and hate it. Hate _them._ They’d both been hurt before, damaged by people around them, and they were terrified of being harmed again.

So they kept their walls up, kept their doors closed, and it was only sheer luck that led to Connor reading-slash-stealing Evan’s therapy assignment and-

No.

The… the suicide attempt in itself, Evan knows, wasn’t sheer luck. It was a sad reminder of their pasts, history, how they found each other. It was sad to think that Connor’s attempt, this terrible thing, was what brought the two of them together.

When Connor’s parents met with Evan in the principal’s office that day, his mother crying, begging for Connor’s _best and dearest friend_ to explain… explain why…

 

Evan had shown up at the hospital, anxious out of his mind. Hoping, praying that somehow, however horrible it had seemed, that Connor would be off his head on painkillers or something, and Evan would be able to worm his way around a conversation, never having to interact with him ever again.

That wasn’t the case, however. Connor had been more alert than Evan hoped, being discharged from the hospital that day, after having stayed for his mandated 72-hour suicide watch. Physically, he looked like shit- and Evan had no doubt that he felt just as bad. But after grilling Evan (and his bad decisions) for a hot minute, he had paused, mid-sentence.

 

 _“You really took that thing about pretending to be friends too far, didn’t you?”_  

_“I-I’m sorry?”_

_“Y’know, ‘now we can both pretend like we have friends’, or whatever?”_

_“I’m sorry, I should have really- I just- I tried to-”_

_“Okay then. Fake friends. It’ll get my family off my back, at least.”_

 

Over time, fake friends turned into real friends, and real friends turned into- 

Well.

Whatever this was.

Evan and Connor watching a David Attenborough documentary at eleven at night, and Connor falling asleep in Evan’s lap.

Rather, _with his head_ in Evan’s lap.

It was. It was a lot. A little too much for Evan’s brain to handle. His cute-slash-hot best friend-slash-crush, resting his head on Evan’s thighs. Evan felt weird. Wrong, in the way that Connor was’t awake, wasn’t aware of what he was doing, had no idea he was half-cuddling up to Evan in his sleep.

Connor-

Connor murmured in his sleep, turned around, then slowly, lazily, opened his eyes.

 _God,_ he was pretty.

Immediately, Evan turned red.

“Hey,” he murmured, voice low.

“Hey,” Connor replied, giving a tired smile. “How long have I-”

“Not that long, I swear, I just- you just looked really comfortable and I didn’t want to risk moving you and waking you up-”

“It’s cool, it’s cool,” Connor said, calmly. “So long as you were okay with it.”

“No it’s, I was fine, you looked pretty-”

Connor, having sat himself up, cocked an eyebrow, smirking. “Pretty?”

“-peaceful. You looked pretty peaceful, is what I meant to say. You didn’t let me finish.”

“So you’re saying I’m not pretty, then?”

Evan blushed. “You- shut up, you know what I mean.”

The documentary had finished, and a steady drumming beat played on as credits rolled across the screen. Evan had turned to the TV, away from Connor.

“For the record, yes, I do think you’re pretty.”

Evan mentally kicked himself. _Why would you say that, oh my god, that’s such a weird thing to say to your best friend._

Connor was facing the screen, too. “I- thanks. You, you too.”

Evan stole a quick glance at Connor and- no way. Connor wasn’t blushing, he was- Connor was blushing?

They sat in silence for a minute, before Evan’s brain went ‘ _well what if-’,_ and both he and Connor piped up at the same time.

 

 _“Can we try something dumb for a second-”_  

_“This is stupid but I was wondering if-”_

 

Evan turned redder than he already was. _What was he thinking?_

“You go first. Please.”

“No, you can-”

Evan swallowed. “Connor. Please.”

Connor looked down, averting eye contact. ”I- don’t worry, it’s-”

“Can I kiss you?”

The question was rushed, and messy, and Evan didn’t quite know he had it in him. He’s ready to apologise, _oh my god I’m sorry I just- nevermind don’t worry-_

“Yes, just- God, yes.”

And then Evan Hansen is leaning into Connor Murphy’s touch, his best friend’s breath ghosting on his lips and-

 

“God, Evan” Connor said, his forehead touching Evan’s. “I know it sounds ridiculous and selfish and kinda weird and creepy but- I want this. I want you.”

“Then, Connor,” Evan replied, a small smile creeping onto his lips. “I’m yours.”

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading!! head on down to my [tumblr](https://mostamazingtrees.tumblr.com/) for more of me screaming about deh


End file.
